


Retaliation

by aries_taurus



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Boys Being Boys, Crack, Gen, I Don't Even Know, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-01
Updated: 2014-02-01
Packaged: 2018-01-10 18:50:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1163236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aries_taurus/pseuds/aries_taurus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There’s a moment of silence before Danny hears a suspicious, low noise. </p><p>“Did you just—“</p>
            </blockquote>





	Retaliation

**Author's Note:**

> *hides face* I'm _sorry_!! I have NO IDEA how why I...
> 
> Total, total insanity crackness. Forgive me.
> 
> Cache clearing is... sometimes indicative of craziness. So, um... 
> 
> Laugh?

 

* * *

 

Danny gives Steve a calculating look, trying to find the problem.

Steve’s quiet.

That, in itself isn’t problematic but it’s the kind of quiet that spells trouble. He keeps an eye on the road and one on his partner until… yup. There. He saw it, clear as day; a wince of pain that looks, for all the money he has, like Grace’s face when she had colic.

“Hey, you feeling okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Why the colicky baby face then?”

Steve turns on him with a nasty look and whoa, how did he miss those shadows under his eyes that could pass as bruises?

“I look like a colicky baby to you?” Steve snaps.

“Well yeah, babe, you kind of do,” Danny says, keeping his tone light, open. It works.

“Maybe.”

“Maybe…” Danny prompts.

“Maybe my gut hurts.”

“Don’t look like you slept much either.”

“I haven’t.”

“You do know you’re allowed to take a sick day, right?”

“Yeah. Honestly? It’s not that bad. Just aches.”

“Right or left?”

“Left. So don’t worry. It’ll pass.”

There’s a moment of silence before Danny hears a suspicious, low noise.

_Pffrt._

He turns to Steve, frowning.

“Did you just—“

“Sorry.”

The smell hits him a second later and he scrunches up his face in disgust. He quickly grabs his nose and cracks the window, fanning his face as soon as his hand is free.

“God, what the hell! You’re rotting from the inside, McGarrett!”

“It’s not that ba- Ugh. Okay. Maybe.”

Danny can’t help the chuckle. “You’re an animal.”

“Shut up.”

_Pffrt._

“Really?”

“Sorry. Cramps.”

 Danny doesn’t believe it for more than a second. “You’re an ass.”

 _Pfffrrrrrrt._ “Oooooh, that feels better.”

“You, you…  Animal. Pig. Skunk. Or something. Oh, geez you stink.”

_Prff Pfrrrtttt. Pfffffffrrrt._

“Agh! Stop it. I’m gonna die of asphyxiation. Or maybe throw up.”

“Think I’m done. No. wait.”

_Prrrft. Prrt. Pft._

“Yeah. Done.”

“Oh my god. You suck. You suck so much. Or stink. Feel better at least?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

The smell dissipates and they drive on but Danny’s not about to drop this. Steve declared a de facto guy war of sorts and he’s gonna retaliate. So, he swallows a mouthful of air. It’s been a hell of a long time since he’s done this, high school probably but he still can. He’s pretty damn sure he still holds the record. He swallows more air carefully, until his stomach feels good and full. He arches his neck back and contracts his abs sharply, hard as he can and releases what his former classmates called “The Kraken,” or the loudest, biggest burp known to man, or, at the very least, Jersey.

The startled look on Steve’s face is so, so worth it.

“What the…”

“Watch the road,” he says calmly. “And I win.”

Steve nods, slowly. “You win. Hands down. I mean. Wow.”

“That’s what you get for launching an attack on me, Commander Chemical Warfare. You awakened the Kraken.”

 


End file.
